Canine Alchemist
by DecaTilde
Summary: In this Family Guy fanfic crossover with Fullmetal Alchemist, and set in a different universe between the two franchises, two canine brothers team up with two alchemist brothers who set out on a quest to reclaim what they had lost.
1. The Ultimate Taboo

_Canine Alchemist_

a _Family Guy_ / _Fullmetal Alchemist_ crossover

by LDEJRuff

* * *

"Water: 35 liters, carbon: 20 kilograms, ammonia: 4 liters, lime: 1.5 kilograms, phosphorus: 800 grams, salt: 250 grams, saltpeter: 100 grams, sulfur: 80 grams, fluorine: 7.5 grams, iron: 5 grams, silicon: 3 grams, and trace amounts of fifteen other elements."

When young Edward Elric checked the ingredients and Alphonse, his younger brother, prepared the bowl to put them in, they were just about ready.

"And now, for a little soul data."

With that, both brothers pricked their fingers, and drops of blood poured out from them.

A little later on, they drew a circle and a pentagram on the floor for the preparation.

"That ought to do it," Ed declared. "You ready, Al?"

Al nodded.

"It's okay. Everything's perfect."

Outside their house, a young White Labrador puppy wearing a red collar started whimpering.

"Is something bothering you, B?"

The owner of the voice, another puppy, this time of a different breed, noticed. He looked like a mix between a Pit Bull, a German Shepard and an Italian Greyhound, had champagne tan fur with cream white leading from his nose to his belly, and wore a black collar. He also spoke with a Brooklyn accent.

"Vinny," the White Lab puppy replied. He spoke with an American accent."I have a strange feeling that something terrible is about to happen."

Back inside the Elric house, the boys were ready.

"Let's go for it."

With that, both Ed and Al placed their hands on the rim of the circle, and lights swirled around them.

Ten seconds later, the lights tinted to red, and Ed feared the worst.

Outside, Ed's bloodcurdling scream was heard, getting the two puppies' attention.

"That was Eddie!" Vinny realized.

"Wait a minute, Vinny," the White Lab puppy called.

"But Brian."

"I promised Dad that I'd take care of you! There's no way you're going to the Elric house alone."

After hearing Brian's words, Vinny nodded in agreement.

"Lead the way, big brother."

And with that, Vinny followed Brian to the Elric house. When Brian opened the front door, what he and Vinny saw horrified them.

"Al!" Ed called. "Alphonse!"

All that was left of said brother were his clothing. He was nowhere to be found.

"No. He's gone. Dammit! This wasn't supposed to..." He trailed off into a painful scream. His left leg was taken away from him. "What have I done?"

Just then, he heard a gasping voice, and saw a hand reaching out.

"Mom?"

What he saw that horrified him thenwas a disfigured inhuman creature where the bowl of ingredients were.

"Oh, my God!" Vinny shouted. "Eddie, what did you do?!"

"He committed the alchemical taboo, and paid for it with his own left leg," Brian replied, voice shaking.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ed shouted.

* * *

Prologue - The Ultimate Taboo

* * *

 _Alchemy, the state of understanding, deconstructing and reconstructing matter. However, it isn't an all-powerful art. It's impossible to create something out of nothing. In order to create something, something of equal value must be given. This is the law of equivalent exchange, the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law, there is a taboo; human transmutation is strictly forbidden. Any alchemists who commit this taboo is shown the truth, and gets a certain anatomical part taken away from them as payment. For what is the equal value of a human soul?_


	2. Brothers

Chapter 1 - Brothers

* * *

Years later, in a city near the desert, a male voice was heard throughout.

"Children of God who dwell on the earth… There is no salvation without prayer and faith. The Sun God Leto will illuminate thy path. Behold! The Lord hath descended from his heavenly throne to save thee from all sins. For I am thy Father... I am the Emissary of the Sun God."

"A religious broadcast on the radio?" an armored figure asked in a young boy's voice.

"Emissary of the Sun God?" a young blonde-haired teenager wearing a red jacket added. "What the heck is _that_?"

"I dunno," a middle-aged White Lab answered. "Guess he's a Letoist."

"I thought you didn't believe in religion," a middle-aged tan dog replied in a Brooklyn-accented voice.

"Anyway," the bartender began, "I was about to ask the same thing about your two owners." Turning to the young blonde teen and the armored figure, he continued, "Are you guys street performers or something?"

The blonde teen spit out his juice in response to the question.

"Hey, wait a minute, Pops!" the teen replied. "What makes you think we're street performers!?"

"Well," the bartender guessed, "what _else_ could you be? I haven't seen your faces before. Are you guys on a trip?"

"I guess you could say that," the white lab answered. "Where chaperoning these two boys and they are hunting something down."

"Chaperoning?" the tan dog repeated. "We ain't their parents."

"I know," the white lab replied. "I can't believe it's been four years since…that event."

"And we promised Mrs. Pinako that we'd watch over them no matter what."

"By the way," the blonde teen began, "what's this broadcast?"

He referred to the voice on the radio.

"You've never heard of Father Cornello?" the bartender replied in surprise.

"Father who?" the tan dog asked.

"Father Cornello," the bartender answered, "the Sun God Leto's Emmisary!"

"He's the founder of the Church of Leto," a random villager added. "He can work miracles! He's a wonderful man who came to this town a few years ago and showed us all the way of God."

"Yeah, he's amazing!" added another villager.

"They're real miracles!" yet another villager added. "It's the work of God!"

"… Are you even listening?" the bartender asked the blonde teen.

"Nope," the teen replied. "Not interested. Anyway, thanks for the food. Let's go."

"Okay," the armored figure replied, getting up as the teen did, little knowing that he bumped the rim of the ceiling of the bar. Just then, a crash. "Oops."

The radio was smashed into pieces upon hitting the ground.

"Hey!" The bartender shouted. "Could you _please_ be more careful, sir? Quite frankly, you shouldn't walk around wearing that suit…"

"No big deal," the blonde teen replied. "We'll fix it for you right away."

"How are you going to do _that_?" the bartender asked. "It's in a million pieces."

"Just stand back and watch," the teen assured.

The armored figure drew a large circle and pentagram around the broken radio, with a piece of chalk. He was wearing a white apron over his waist, and a band around his right leg.

"OK, I'm ready," the figure said. "Here we go…"

He put his hands together, and, in a flash, the radio was back in one piece, as if like new. The bartender and villagers were impressed.

"That's amazing!" the bartender said in awe. "Are you miracle workers?"

"No," the White Lab replied. He wore a red collar while his tan companion's was black. "They're just alchemists."

"Have you heard of Edward and Alphonse Elric?" the tan dog asked the bartender. "Well, you're looking right at 'em."

"Yeah, I've heard of them," various villagers said. "They say the older brother's a state alchemist they call the 'Fullmetal Alchemist,' Edward Elric!"

The blonde teen, Ed, smirked a proud smile. However, the villagers crowded around Al, the armored figure.

"So, _you're_ the master alchemist that everyone's talking about!" the villagers continued. "Oh, I get it! They call you 'Fullmetal' because of the armoryou wear."

"Oh, no… it's not me, it's him!" Al corrected.

"Huh? You mean the _little_ guy?"

That word got Ed really TO'd.

"LITTLE?!" Ed shouted. "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE?! DO I LOOK LIKE A SHRIMP?!"

"You guys shouldn't call Eddie little," the tan dog informed the villagers. "Brian and I should know."

"Hey, what's going on over there?" a voice got everyone's attention.

It was a gray border collie wearing a maroon scarf with a bone on it. He and his owner, a young brunette haired woman, were carrying groceries.

"Ah, Rosé and New Brian," the bartender greeted. "Are you two going to the temple?"

"Yeah," Rosé replied, "with some offerings."

"Oh, a few new faces," New Brian noticed.

"Nice to meet you," Brian, the White Lab greeted. "I'm Brian, and this is my little brother, Vinny."

"Hi," Vinny, the tan dog, also greeted.

"And the blonde kid and the big suit of armor over there are Edward Elric and _his_ little brother, Alphonse."

"Yeah," Ed agreed. "I'm Ed and he's Al."

"Nice to meet you," Al greeted.

"Nice to meet _you_ ," New Brian greeted back. "Rosé here has been really happy lately. And it's all thanks to Father Cornello. She has no family, and she lost her boyfriend last year in an accident, which made her heartbroken. That was when the Father  
saved her! He taught her about Letoism."

"You sure about this?" Vinny asked New Brian?

"Yup, I was there," New Brian nodded. "They say that he resurrects the dead, and the souls of his faithful live on for a long time. The miracles prove it. Perhaps you guys can see for yourself sometime. It's definitely a dietic power."

"Resurrects the dead, huh?" Ed repeated. "That doesn't sound good..."

* * *

"I tell you," Cornello sermoned inside his church, "pray and have faith. All my prayers will be answered, and the grace of his light shallshine upon all his children."

With that, he cut off the broadcast with a flick of the switch.

"A fine sermon, Your Holiness," Brother Cray congratulated.

"Yes, thank you," a church worker agreed. "It's an honor to hear you preach."

"Your Holiness!"

Rosé had entered, greeting Cornello with New Brian beside her.

"Ah, welcome," Cornello greeted back. "My, you two are dedicated! You're examples to us all."

"Nah," New Brian replied. "We're just doing our duties."

"By the way," Rosé added, "when are you able to...?"

"Yes, I know," Cornello replied, placing his hands on her shoulder contently. "God has seen your good deeds."

"Then..."

"But there's a time and a place for anything. Now is not the time...yet. You two understand, do you not?"

"Yes, Your Holiness," New Brian replied.

"You're right," Rosé added. "Not yet..."

"That's good to hear," Cornello grinned.

* * *

Author's note: Parts of this chapter are mostly based on the first half of chapter 1 of the manga, "The Two Alchemists".


	3. A Ring and an Explanation

Chapter 2 - A Ring and an Explanation

* * *

The next day, Cornello was performing miracles in front of the citizens of Liorre, outside his church. Some miracles included turning flower petals into diamond wreaths, and turning water to wine.

"So, that's _it_ , huh?" Ed said, unimpressed. "What do you think?"

He was asking Al, Brian and Vinny when he saw these miracles.

"Nothin' _to_ think, Eddie," Vinny answered. "No doubt he's using alchemy."

"I concur," Brian agreed.

"But somehow," Ed began, "he's ignoring the law of equivalent exchange. He should have transmuted that flower into something of equal mass."

"And he's changing matter into _in_ -organic matter," Al added. "He shouldn't be able to do that."

"Unless he has..." Vinny added, wondering.

Ed points out that Cornello has a ring on his left middle finger, with a red stone on it.

"Bingo," he whispered. " _That's_ how he's doing it."

* * *

Later that day, inside the church, Rosé was busy polishing the alter in the sanctuary, while New Brian sat in a pew.

"So," Ed's voice suddenly got her attention, as well as New Brian's, "if you pray and polish the alter enough times, someone from the dead will be brought back to life?"

He, along with Al, Brian and Vinny, have entered the sanctuary, and sat in a pew behind the one New Brian was sitting in.

"I guess you _could_ say that," Rosé answered, gesturing. "By the way, welcome to the church. Are you guys interested in Letoism?"

"Can't say that I am," Ed answered. "I'm not really the religious type."

"Me neither," Brian added, "though I _am_ impressed."

"Well," Rosé replied, bowing her head in understanding, "sorry to hear that. To know God is to know hope. If we believe in divine grace, then through him, all things are possible, if _you_ believed, I'm sure he'd make you grow taller."

Ed growled at this.

"Easy, Eddie," Vinny assured. "She's trying to help."

"And about bringing the dead back to life?" Ed began. " _I_ don't think it's possible." With that, he pulled out a notebook from his jacket pocket and started reading. "Water: 35 liters, carbon: 20 kilograms, ammonia: 4 liters, lime: 1.5 kilograms, phosphorus: 800 grams, salt: 250 grams, saltpeter: 100 grams, sulfur: 80 grams, fluorine: 7.5 grams, iron: 5 grams, silicon: 3 grams, and trace amounts of fifteen other elements."

"Huh?" Rosé asked, confused.

"What the heck _is_ all that?" New Brian asked, also confused.

Ed answered, "It's the chemical makeup of the average adult human body, down to the last specks of protein in your eyelashes." With that, he closed the notebook. "And even though science has given us the entire physical breakdown, there hasn't been a successful attempt at bringing a human to life."

"Yeah," Brian added in agreement. "Something's still missing, something scientists haven't been able to find in centuries of research. By the way, Rosé, all those ingredients Ed read? They can be bought on a kid's allowance. Humans are made on the cheap."

"How can you say such blasphemy?" Rosé disbelieved. "We're God's children, human _and_ animal alike."

"That's right," New Brian agreed.

Ed chuckled. "We alchemists are scientists" he said. "We don't believe in unprovable concepts, like creators or gods. We observe the physical laws that govern this world, to try to learn the truth."

"How coincidental," Brian added, "that we're the closest things to gods there are."

"You aren't gods," Rosé disagreed. "You aren't even close to one. That's arrogant."

"Anyway, there's an old myth about a man who flew on wings made from wax," Ed informed. "He thought he could touch the sun, but when he got too close, his wings melted and he came crashing down. Am I right, fellas?" Brian nodded in agreement, while Al and Vinny unsurely placed their hands on their heads. "Although," Ed continued, "and it's difficult for me to ask, could the Father save even an arrogant scientist like me?" Ed asked.

"And probably an atheist dog like my brother?" Vinny innocently added, even though Brian regarded it.

"Vinny," Brian growled.

"Well, I guess so," Rosé answered, "since you guys have a sudden change of heart. If anyone can lead you to the Creator's light, _he_ can."

* * *

"Father Cornello," Brother Cray said, getting the Father's attention in his office, "there are visitors here who wish to see you: a child, a man wearing a suit of armor, and their two dogs. They go by the surname 'Elric'."

"Elric, you say?" Cornello repeated. "Are you positive?"

"Yes," Cray answered. "That's what they call themselves. No mistake."

"Damn!" Cornello silently exclaimed, slapping a hand to his forehead. "Then this _is_ a problem. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, has come to call on us."

"The man in the armor, sir?" Cray guessed.

"Dressing the part, it seems."

"But why would a state alchemist be here in Liorre?" Cray asked. "I'm sure they can't have found out about our plans, can they?"

"It's possible he's too sharp for his own good. Don't worry, I'll get that pretty, and his little dogs, too."

* * *

Author's note: That's a reference to the Wicked Witch of the West, the central antagonist from _The Wizard of Oz_ , to Dorothy Gale and her dog, Toto.


End file.
